They propose the acronym ABC, meaning Agree, Build (instead of tearing down, “yes and.”), compare (what you see differently). I also particularly like the suggestion of starting with what you agree, so that you begin on a positive note. It will be less personal and it will make you more credible. The authors also recommend you start crucial conversations from facts -as also suggested in Difficult Conversations. As we expand the breadth of our stories, we become calmer and better prepared to having crucial conversations. To break the negative patters we must then look at all other possible stories and change our judgments and conclusions. When we do that, there seem to be a tendency where we take the story the worst possible way., which further escalates emotions. The authors say that when we engage in crucial conversations it’s easy getting emotional and upset. The core of this chapter is to encourage us to look at the facts and the stories from different and more complete angles. The authors say that our emotions come from the stories we make up, not really from reality and facts.
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